kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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