if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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