What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I feel like death gave me a hand job
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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