she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
