you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
