i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
