It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
