a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
