I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
