Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize