At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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