worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
