so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
