too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
