You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
