she woke up with a sticky ear
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
