mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
