Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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