I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
