I cannot find my penis.
My hand turned me down
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
