That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
