Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
