party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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