garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
40s are totally the cure
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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