They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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