he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
