doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
