I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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