She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
