I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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