he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
