Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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