I'm jealous of your bromance
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
