i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
