I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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