We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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