just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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