I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
