Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
