omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
