I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
