peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
