So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
