i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize