I think im going to throw up on grandma
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Acid is not a monday night drug
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize