you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
