This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
