Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
