Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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