I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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