Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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