Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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