god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
