You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
