Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
