I'm eating all of the evidence.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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