Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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