Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
