I am puke
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
