you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize