I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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