I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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