Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
