i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
