Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize
