He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
