the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
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