Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Randomize
