I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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